You never sausage a death!

Jimmy Dean, the man directly responsible for at least 20 lbs of me, died Sunday at the age of 81. An all around entertainer, Dean hosted several radio and television shows, including the aptly named The Jimmy Dean Show, where he provided a national stage for country music to reach the masses. He had several hit recordings, including "Big Bad John", and even played the part of billionaire Willard Whyte in the James Bond movie Diamonds are Forever. But obviously his most important contribution to society was Jimmy Dean sausage. That shiny delicious golden chub pack of awesomeness will forever be his legacy. And true to form, Dean left this world the way every real man wants to: in front of the television, eating dinner. Rest in peace, hero of mine. Read more HERE

Betty White Kills Again

Rue McClanahan died today at the age of 76. Appearing in numerous television shows including Maude and Mama's Family, she is probably best known as geriatric supertramp Blanche Devereaux of the beloved hit Golden Girls. On marriage 5 of 6 at the time of production, McClanahan obviously must have struggled finding creative motivation for the role of Blanche. To be fair, she did later star as the Reverand Mother Mary Regina in the broadway play Nunsense, and since God hates nuns, it's safe to say her parody got her into heaven. She'll be missed. Read more HERE

Dennis Hopper, Easy Die'er

Dennis Hopper*, dead today at the age of 74. His movie credits include Apocalypse Now, Blue Velvet, Easy Rider, and Hoosiers, but obviously he'll be remembered for his masterful portrayal of Deacon in the smash hit Waterworld. Talk about a badass movie. But not nearly as badass as Mr. Dennis Hopper. The man, just two months before death, was on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, celebrating his awesomeness. Even doing Ameriprise commercials, you fully expected him to start a fight with someone. Probably punching angels as we speak. Anyway, Mr. Hopper is survived by four kids, five wives, and countless works of art of which most folks are unaware. Read more HERE


*points awarded

Whatchoo talkin' bout, Jesus?

Gary Coleman died today at the age of 42. Most well known Only known as Arnold from Diff'rent Strokes, Coleman, standing 4' 8", fully embraced the role until the paychecks stopped. The rest of his life was spent yelling at folks for only remembering him as Arnold, with the occasional television appearance to remind folks he was Arnold. Gary Coleman is survived by his abusive wife Shannon, his archnemesis Emmanuel Lewis, and surprisingly, Todd Bridges. Read more HERE

Dead or Canadian? Art Linkletter now both

Art Linkletter died today at the age of 97. An early star of radio and television, Linkletter made a career out of doing something I do everyday; listening to folks say ridiculous things and trying not to laugh. He brought smiles to the faces of millions, but in the end it was Linkletter who got the last laugh by only being worth 3 points. Read more HERE.

Dixie Carter and her accent, dead at 70

In somewhat unexpected news, Dixie Carter died Saturday. Probably best known as Julia Sugarbaker (a character obviously based on our own Karen Sugarman), Carter combined strength, southern sass, and a hint of smartassedness in a manner reminiscent of my two year old daughter. But in an 80's skirt suit. She is surprisingly survived by her husband, Hal Holbrook, who saw Mozart live in concert. Dixie Carter, dead at 70. Read more HERE.

A short death announcement about a short guy who announced deaths

Meinhardt Raabe, the coroner from The Wizard of Oz, died yesterday at the age of 94. The last living Munchkin with a speaking part, Raabe starred in exactly 1 movie... in 1939... and spent the rest of his life in character. No seriously, he sat around in that costume basically 24/7 telling anyone who would listen. We should all aspire to such a life. Now normally, I'd make some witty observations, a one liner or two, but come on, make me work for it. This one's just too easy. Read more HERE.