Jack LaLanne dies, digs own burial plot, embalms himself

Jack LaLanne, our one real hope for someday seeing a negative point celebrity, has died of pneumonia. A fitness guru for over 125 years, LaLanne preached a lifestyle of relaxation, proper diet, and towing boats with your teeth while shackled. Why, you may ask? Because when Little Jackie was a wee lad, he set fire to his parents' house. He also attacked his brother with an axe, screaming at the top of his lungs. The cause? Evidently refined sugar and bleached flour. From the age of 14 on, he eliminated everything from his diet but fruits, vegetables, and lean protein. That means for 82 years, that crazy sumbitch didn't eat a single cookie or brownie... no grilled cheese, no chili. Now yes, he made it to 96 years old, but I mean, come on. I'll take 80 years and beer, and call myself the winner. Jack LeLanne, dead at 96, but his soul is somewhere selling juicers to angels... or devils, depending on your take. Read more HERE.

Gerry Rafferty, the guy who sang that song, dead

Gerry Rafferty, the guy who sang that song, you know the one from that movie... and that other one, with the saxophone... goes BRA BAAAAH DADA DADADA... come on, you know! He just died at the age of 63. Read more HERE.

Listen more, down here:

2010 Happy Funtime Friends and Family Death Predictions Winner(s)

In a year when one pick was enough, and four folks shared a brain, we have a four way tie for first place. Congratulations go out to Megan D, Shaun H, Jennifer T, and Julia T. Each will be presented with a check for $37.50 at a very intimate awards ceremony that won't actually occur.

After three days and no cold celebrities found, I feel confident we can call 2010 and move on to 2011. And maybe it's the sun shining in the window, or the thought of spring just a few short months away, but I think we're going to have a bumper crop of breathless bigshots this year. You can almost feel the excitement. It is indeed, the most wonderful time of the year. Group picks for 2011 have been reviewed, approved, alphabetized, and posted (to the left, and HERE). Let's send them to heaven in twenty eleven, people!

*btw, obviously if there's a mistake on the group picks, please let me know asap.

2010 Celebrity Death Montage

Elizabeth Edwards arrives early for Jesus' Bitchin Birthday Bash

Elizabeth Edwards, or as I like to call her, our little points monkey wrench, died today at the age of 61. Originally known for being the wife of John Edwards, Elizabeth was an accomplished lawyer and author in her own right. She chose a truly terrible place to go to college, but her tireless work for the less fortunate probably cancels that out. And she was the daughter of a Navy family, spending time in Japan, so we know the Trueloves will be sympathetic. I'll just let you read more about her, because I've got to update the points. Read more HERE.




* points awarded x (4)

Leslie Nielsen, dead? Surely you can't be serious!

Leslie Nielsen, the single greatest actor in the history of ever, has died at the age of 84. Airplane, Police Squad, The Naked Gun series... all one man. Kind of like that moment as a kid that you realized bacon, ham, and sausage all came from the same delicious animal. Nielsen was a comedy pig. Official reports cite complications from pneumonia. Unofficially, however, all signs point to an Airplane serial killer. First, Peter Graves. Sad, but acceptable. Second, Barbara Billingsley. Upsetting, and questionable. Now we lose Leslie Nielsen, absolutely unaccepable, and obviously the work of that sick bastard Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Stay tuned for updates, and read more HERE.

Sparky Anderson announced as new manager of the Angels

Sparky Anderson, Hall of Fame manager and all around nice guy, has passed away. You know when a person dies, and everybody says, "He was a nice guy". Normally, folks are just being polite because they outlived the poor bastard and won, but with Anderson, it was simply the truth. Sparky Anderson had no enemies. He was able to bring together the clubhouse of the mid 1970's Reds, loaded with polar personalities like Johnny Bench, Joe Morgan, and Pete Rose, winning two championships. He followed that up with a championship with the Tigers. And after he walked away from baseball, he never really went that far. He always showed up at events, shaking every hand and answering every question. He was never too busy to stop and give you a moment. Sparky Anderson, a good man, dead today at the age of 76. Read more HERE.