Elizabeth Edwards arrives early for Jesus' Bitchin Birthday Bash

Elizabeth Edwards, or as I like to call her, our little points monkey wrench, died today at the age of 61. Originally known for being the wife of John Edwards, Elizabeth was an accomplished lawyer and author in her own right. She chose a truly terrible place to go to college, but her tireless work for the less fortunate probably cancels that out. And she was the daughter of a Navy family, spending time in Japan, so we know the Trueloves will be sympathetic. I'll just let you read more about her, because I've got to update the points. Read more HERE.




* points awarded x (4)

Leslie Nielsen, dead? Surely you can't be serious!

Leslie Nielsen, the single greatest actor in the history of ever, has died at the age of 84. Airplane, Police Squad, The Naked Gun series... all one man. Kind of like that moment as a kid that you realized bacon, ham, and sausage all came from the same delicious animal. Nielsen was a comedy pig. Official reports cite complications from pneumonia. Unofficially, however, all signs point to an Airplane serial killer. First, Peter Graves. Sad, but acceptable. Second, Barbara Billingsley. Upsetting, and questionable. Now we lose Leslie Nielsen, absolutely unaccepable, and obviously the work of that sick bastard Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Stay tuned for updates, and read more HERE.

Sparky Anderson announced as new manager of the Angels

Sparky Anderson, Hall of Fame manager and all around nice guy, has passed away. You know when a person dies, and everybody says, "He was a nice guy". Normally, folks are just being polite because they outlived the poor bastard and won, but with Anderson, it was simply the truth. Sparky Anderson had no enemies. He was able to bring together the clubhouse of the mid 1970's Reds, loaded with polar personalities like Johnny Bench, Joe Morgan, and Pete Rose, winning two championships. He followed that up with a championship with the Tigers. And after he walked away from baseball, he never really went that far. He always showed up at events, shaking every hand and answering every question. He was never too busy to stop and give you a moment. Sparky Anderson, a good man, dead today at the age of 76. Read more HERE.

Father Dowling gets big promotion

In less than a week's time, we've lost our TV mom and dad. Tom Bosley has died at the age of 83. A genuinely kind man of humble beginnings, Bosley joined the navy at the age of 17, later joking, "I'm the only guy I know who went in as a seaman and came out a seaman". After service, Bosley enrolled at DePaul University, where he eventually found acting. He got his start in Chicago doing radio dramas. After a move to NY, he scratched out a place on broadway while working odd jobs such as a Tavern on the Green doorman, and a Lindy's Deli hat checker. His big break came in 1959 in Fiorello!, where he won a Tony award. After broadway, Bosley moved to Hollywood, eventually ending up on Happy Days as Howard Cunningham, a role he oringinally turned down but eventually became famous for. Afterwards he joined Angela Landsbury on Murder, She Wrote, sold Glad bags, and kicked ass as a crime solving priest on Father Dowling. I can only assume Jesus needed help figuring out who keeps shortsheeting the beds in heaven, and called on Bosley. Read more HERE.

Everybody's mom just died

Barbara Billingsley has died at the age of 94. Best known as June Cleaver, wife of Ward, mother of Wally and Beaver, Billingsley was never quite able to escape the pearled and high heeled legend she created. Which is how it should be; who didn't want to live in that house and have a gosh darn good time? The concern, of course, is that we've now lost our second Airplane! actor/actress this year. If we lose another, we may have a Betty White type serial killer on our hands. Check here for updates. In the mean time, Jus hang loose, blood. She gonna catch ya up on da rebound on da med side. Read more HERE.

Play beach music, God will kill you

General Norman Johnson, part time lead singer of the group Chairmen of the Board, has died at the age of 67. A quirky soul singer turned beach music singer, Johnson deserved death. I mean, really, at some point he woke up one day and thought that "Carolina Girls" was a good idea. If for some reason you want to, Read more HERE

Don't you feel like a die, die die die die die, a die, die die die die die, dying!

Solomon Burke, the self appointed King of Rock and Soul, has died. Burke was a preacher, a food vendor, a mortician, and a member of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. While most famous for his hit Cry to Me, he actualy had over 30 charted hits. Unfortunately, his career was overshadowed by the success of other artists covering his songs. Everybody Needs Somebody to Love alone was a hit Wilson Pickett, the Rolling Stones, and even the Blues Brothers. In the strange juxtaposition that I love, his songs delighted lovers of Dirty Dancing, as well as Pope John Paul II, whom he performed for in 2000. Why, sure as you're reading this, I bet he's up in heaven holding court with all the angels and saints and folks he embalmed, laughing about his inability to remember all the names of his 21 children and 90 or so grandchildren. Solomon Burken, a big old interesting man, dead at the age of 70. Read more HERE

Devil Makes Pitch to Tony Curtis... Some Like It Hot

Tony Curtis, famed actor and part time painter, has died at the age of 85. Look, basically, take Eddie Fisher's write up from below and switch names. Famous entertainer, tremendous ego, troubled life of multiple marriages, terrible dad to a terrific daughter (in this case, Jamie Lee Curtis). He'll be missed, blah blah blah. Read more HERE

God to Eddie Fisher, Wish You Were Here

Eddie Fisher, 1950s pop singer, died Thursday from hip surgery complications. A tremendous success with over 30 charted hits, Fisher's fame never recovered after his very scandalous divorce from Debbie Reynolds. But he did give us actress Carrie Fisher, though, so all's forgiven. And while his death provided no points, I appreciate his consideration in dying because this has been the slowest summer of death EVER! Eddie Fisher, dead at the age of 82. Read more HERE

George Steinbrenner, Damn Yankee, Dead

George Steinbrenner died today at the age of 80. The longest serving owner of the New York Yankees, Steinbrenner oversaw 7 championships during his 37 years of ownership through a simple theory of outspending everyone else. He returned the Yankees to prominence, while providing Jerry Seinfeld with years of material. It's probably safe to assume Steinbrenner is currently in a pitchfork fight with Billy Martin as you read this. He will be missed... by somebody... probably his two weiner sons Hal and Hank... but not me. Read more HERE.

BREAKING NEWS: A Really Old Guy Just Died

Robert Byrd, completely expectedly, died today at the age of 92. A former Klu Klux Klan member, Byrd had a change of heart just before his first election to Congress, deciding that maybe all voters folks are created equally. He then proceeded, as a senator, to personally log 14 hours in a filibuster against the Civil Rights Act of 1964. But hey, he was in congress a REALLY long time, and he played the fiddle on Hee Haw, so he must be a good guy. Longevity does produce some pretty incredible numbers, though.

• In 63 years of public service, he never lost an election.
  
• Cast over 18,000 votes during his Senate service.
  
• Since 1991, secured more than $1 billion in earmarks for his adopted home state of West Virginia.
  
• He was the last living senator to vote on granting statehood (Hawaii, Opposed).
  
• He has at least 8 roads/bridges named after him, including the Robert C. Byrd Expressway , Robert C. Byrd Bridge, Robert C. Byrd Highway (Corridor H), Robert C. Byrd Appalachian Highway System (Corridor H), Robert C. Byrd Appalachian Highway System (Corridor G/U.S. 119), Robert C. Byrd Bridge in Huntington, Robert C. Byrd Interchange at Birch River, and Robert C. Byrd Appalachian Highway System (Corridor L/I-77).
  

His most important contribution, however, will be the 8 points he left dear Janice. Read more HERE


* points awarded

You never sausage a death!

Jimmy Dean, the man directly responsible for at least 20 lbs of me, died Sunday at the age of 81. An all around entertainer, Dean hosted several radio and television shows, including the aptly named The Jimmy Dean Show, where he provided a national stage for country music to reach the masses. He had several hit recordings, including "Big Bad John", and even played the part of billionaire Willard Whyte in the James Bond movie Diamonds are Forever. But obviously his most important contribution to society was Jimmy Dean sausage. That shiny delicious golden chub pack of awesomeness will forever be his legacy. And true to form, Dean left this world the way every real man wants to: in front of the television, eating dinner. Rest in peace, hero of mine. Read more HERE

Betty White Kills Again

Rue McClanahan died today at the age of 76. Appearing in numerous television shows including Maude and Mama's Family, she is probably best known as geriatric supertramp Blanche Devereaux of the beloved hit Golden Girls. On marriage 5 of 6 at the time of production, McClanahan obviously must have struggled finding creative motivation for the role of Blanche. To be fair, she did later star as the Reverand Mother Mary Regina in the broadway play Nunsense, and since God hates nuns, it's safe to say her parody got her into heaven. She'll be missed. Read more HERE

Dennis Hopper, Easy Die'er

Dennis Hopper*, dead today at the age of 74. His movie credits include Apocalypse Now, Blue Velvet, Easy Rider, and Hoosiers, but obviously he'll be remembered for his masterful portrayal of Deacon in the smash hit Waterworld. Talk about a badass movie. But not nearly as badass as Mr. Dennis Hopper. The man, just two months before death, was on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, celebrating his awesomeness. Even doing Ameriprise commercials, you fully expected him to start a fight with someone. Probably punching angels as we speak. Anyway, Mr. Hopper is survived by four kids, five wives, and countless works of art of which most folks are unaware. Read more HERE


*points awarded

Whatchoo talkin' bout, Jesus?

Gary Coleman died today at the age of 42. Most well known Only known as Arnold from Diff'rent Strokes, Coleman, standing 4' 8", fully embraced the role until the paychecks stopped. The rest of his life was spent yelling at folks for only remembering him as Arnold, with the occasional television appearance to remind folks he was Arnold. Gary Coleman is survived by his abusive wife Shannon, his archnemesis Emmanuel Lewis, and surprisingly, Todd Bridges. Read more HERE

Dead or Canadian? Art Linkletter now both

Art Linkletter died today at the age of 97. An early star of radio and television, Linkletter made a career out of doing something I do everyday; listening to folks say ridiculous things and trying not to laugh. He brought smiles to the faces of millions, but in the end it was Linkletter who got the last laugh by only being worth 3 points. Read more HERE.

Dixie Carter and her accent, dead at 70

In somewhat unexpected news, Dixie Carter died Saturday. Probably best known as Julia Sugarbaker (a character obviously based on our own Karen Sugarman), Carter combined strength, southern sass, and a hint of smartassedness in a manner reminiscent of my two year old daughter. But in an 80's skirt suit. She is surprisingly survived by her husband, Hal Holbrook, who saw Mozart live in concert. Dixie Carter, dead at 70. Read more HERE.

A short death announcement about a short guy who announced deaths

Meinhardt Raabe, the coroner from The Wizard of Oz, died yesterday at the age of 94. The last living Munchkin with a speaking part, Raabe starred in exactly 1 movie... in 1939... and spent the rest of his life in character. No seriously, he sat around in that costume basically 24/7 telling anyone who would listen. We should all aspire to such a life. Now normally, I'd make some witty observations, a one liner or two, but come on, make me work for it. This one's just too easy. Read more HERE.

Fess Parker was a man... yes a DEEEEEEEAD man

Fess Parker died yesterday at the age of 85. A legend among old and older alike, his trademark was his extreme versatility as an actor. Be it his portrayal of rugged frontiersman Davy Crockett, complete with coonskin cap, or his portrayal of rugged frontiersman Daniel Boone, complete with coonskin cap, Parker moved seamlessly from one role to the next. Perhaps if we're lucky, Disney will again bring him back to life for a few more days. Read more HERE

Peter Graves, breathing impossible... dead at 83

Peter Graves of Mission Impossible and Airplane! fame has died. Starring in over 50 films, as well as numerous tv shows, he is solely responsible for my constantly asking random people the following question:



He will be missed. Read more HERE

Merlin Olsen, Little House, a lot dead

Merlin Olsen, who stole the screen from that little wench Melissa Gilbert, died today at the age of 69. Olsen, who found acting later in life, appeared in the classic Little House on the Prairie before starring in his own show Father Murphy. Prior to acting, Olsen had a brief stint with the Los Angeles Rams of the NFL. Read more HERE

Corey Haim, 80s teen idol, dead at age 38

Corey Haim, who along with friend Corey Feldman became known as The Two Coreys, has died. Haim starred in such films as Lost Boys, Fast Getaway II, and Snowboard Academy. Found unresponsive at his home, he was taken to St Joseph's Hospital in Burbank where he later died. When reached for comment on Corey's death, a hospital spokesman said, "Well, that's why we have two". Read more HERE

Dick Francis, dead today at the age of 89

Winning jockey and prolific author, Francis leaves behind a loving family, a vast trove of tales, and 11 points for Jo-Ellen.

Read more about Mr. Francis HERE

Test Your Happy Funtime Death Predicting Knowledge

Below are a few bits of trivia from this year's bumper crop of potential forever nappers. Move your mouse over the question to reveal the answer. Enjoy! (Did I miss a good one? Feel free to comment below)

* Highest Maximum Points:

* Lowest Maximum Points:

* Most Valuable Death:

* Least Valuable Death:

* Out of 150 possible picks, how many different names were chosen?

* Who was the most popular pick?

* Can you name the lucky Father/Son team picked?

* Can you name the six former game show hosts picked?

Teddy Pendergrass gives heavenly performance

In his first dead performance, Teddy Pendergrass demonstrated to the souled out crowd why he was on stage. Said concertgoer M. Teresa "Oh he was just great! You could sense a bit of nervousness, but once he got comfortable, I just melted... in a non-sexual, pray for his soul sort of way". Pendergrass' current tour is scheduled to last through... well... forever.

Just a quick note

I've added a tools section to the left, under which is listed a scorecard for anyone who wants to follow along on paper. It's formatted to print neatly onto 3 pages in landscape (hopefully!). If you catch any errors on it, please let me know either by email, or just comment directly on the blog.

The Picks

As promised, albeit late, the official picks list. Let the fun begin!

Official Group Picks

Data breakdowns to follow

D'oh!

Picks are being entered, and hopefully will be up late this afternoon/evening.

2011 Picks and Information

2011 Picks Received: (Paid in Green)

Shaun H.
Cathy H.
Mike M.
Ginger M.
Margaret W.
Andy M.
Jo-Ellen O.
Jennifer T.
Julia T.
Janice T.
Joe T.
Megan D.
Kent D.
Ann H.
Ray H.
Dezendorf Family
Karen S
McClain Family
Matt S.

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